Dear Santa,
By now, you have already received the “wish lists” from my children (aka – the contents of the entire Toys R Us/Target/WalMart/Best Buy holiday circulars). How about this? I’ll help you out with those pricey requests, but you have to help me out with my personal wishes.
I have been a good mom all year. OK, I’ll admit, on occasion I *may* have wanted to throw my children out the window (metaphorically speaking, of course!) and *possibly* pretended I didn’t know them while we were in public (to be fair, they were acting like jack-asses!), but on the whole, I have made sure they were happy and healthy. I did their God awful homework with them, kept them fed and relatively clean (10-year-old boys are pretty gross!). And I always have – every single day – loved them with all my heart (sigh)!
That said, I am asking for the following Christmas gifts this year:
- One morning, JUST ONE, when the kids don’t ask me: “Where is/are my clothes, shoes, schoolbag, homework, jacket, etc.?”
- One afternoon, JUST ONE, when the kids decide to do their homework without being told (bonus: without asking me for help or giving me a “just five more minutes” whine).
- One evening, JUST ONE, when everyone is happy about the dinner menu (and NOT when it is pizza). Bonus: they put their dishes in the dishwasher. You know what, I’m not going to push my luck – JUST PUT THEM IN THE SINK!
- One day, JUST ONE, when I wasn’t at least a little bit tired. If you can’t deliver on that, maybe you can work a nap in to my day. Pretty please. With sugar on top.
- One car ride, JUST ONE, without the kids asking: “Are we there yet?” Oh, and it would be super awesome if they didn’t drop their fast food french fries or Xtra Cheddar Goldfish on the floor of the car.
- A couple of “me minutes” each day – you know, enough time to brush my teeth and wash my hair without the constant sound of “mommy, mama, mom, ma, mommy, mamma, mom, ma” distracting me from everyday hygiene.
In return, I promise you the following:
- Continue, each year, to support your image at our local mall by purchasing $0.79 worth of photos for $25 (no thanks, we don’t need the keychain – much less two of them…I can’t find my keys half the time anyway).
- Hold you to one of the highest powers to ensure somewhat decent etiquette of my children (admit it, you love the power trip…though I will admit, the freakin creepy little Shelf Elf is a close second in terms of threatening the kids to have good behavior!).
- To leave you cookies and milk (and maybe some Bailys!) every Christmas Eve and to make sure the fire is out in the fireplace…you’re welcome.
By the way, Santa, if you are feeling extra generous, feel free to leave *yours truly* gift certificates for an eye lift, hair coloring and a new wardrobe. Some wine and chocolates would be a nice treat too. By the way, does Mrs. Claus offer any free babysitting?
Thanks, in advance, jolly guy.
Hugs & cheers from … one grateful mom!
